This past week or so, this guy is all I've been listening to. I've been in awe of his music and his voice. I was so disappointed when I found out he was dead. Not just because he was amazing and incredibly talented.. but also because he was a cutie! lol I know, I know.. I shouldn't talk about dead people like that. Oh well.. anyway.. I really like his song "Lover, You Should've Come Over" You can listen to it here ~> http://www.jeffbuckley.com/prt/prt.html just click on his name.. then click on his albums.. click on "Grace" and click the right arrow button until you get to number seven. It made me cry last night when I was thinking back on someone. I'm starting to have feelings for him again.. and its really killing me. I keep thinking I see him everywhere. I thought I saw him at the Shopette.. I couldn't tell if it was him or not though. Then I thought I saw him at blockbuster last night.. but I had the same problem as I did at the Shopette. And then the dreams I'm having about him.. I wake up every morning crying. I wish I knew what they meant. Anyway.. I don't want to tell anyone because they all dislike him now for what he did to me.. everyone thinks I'm over him. And I'm not. I think I'm doing a pretty good job of hiding my feelings because they don't have a clue. I did slip once though when I said I "liked" someone. Now they're trying to figure out who it is. Anyway.. I really need to finish up my homework and get some scripts memorized. Ttylz y'all.

Feeling: guilty
Listening To: Jeff Buckley- "Lover, You Should've Come Over"
Talking To: Alex
Thinking: "snowball, declamation, school.. AAAAAAAAAAH"

I'm a little swollen, but it was worth it. Now I can move forward next year with the jaw surgery :-D. Anyway..today we went into town.. found a pattern for homecoming! I put the pic of the dress I'm gonna wear down bellow. My dress is the one the brunette is wearing. I'm soo excited. Instead of the buckle on the left shoulder we decided on a flower or a heart pin. The color of the fabric we chose is similar to the one in the pic.

 

Hello again.. I've come to tell you of another exciting, adventurous day in the life of Vanessa *rolls eyes* The frenzy of the first week of school has died down. I'm still enjoying it though. Learning something new everyday. That learning process has become a little more difficult this year though.. I must admit. lol the guys here have SO improved! AH. So anyway.. last weekend I got my cartalage and my eyebrow pierced. I got two different types of reactions. Number one was "OMG.. THAT IS SO COOL! I wish I could get one." Number two was a look of utter astonishment and confusion and a straight "uh.. why?" lol. I'm glad I did it either way. Guess it was some form of self-expression for me. lol I don't do drugs, don't drink, don't smoke.. not a sex fiend. I NEEDED SOME FORM OF REBELLION! People are right when they say its addicting though. I think when I turn eighteen (I'll have both my expander and my braces off then) I wanna get my tongue pierced.. or maybe a little tattoo or something *shrugs* lol I have a high tolerance for pain. Except when its self inflicted of course.. I found that out when I tried to pierce a second hole in each of my ears over the summer with a safety pin (yeah don't ask me how that idea came to mind.. very toopid indeedy) Dabo says I'm a tough chick though. Didn't even flinch when the needle went through. hehe.. try that on for size ARNOLD.. or uh SILVESTER lol. Ok peeps.. I'm out. I gotta prepare myself for a big day ahead. I forgot to tell you my wisdom teeth removal was a false alarm.. I didn't bring my ID card so they wouldn't operate. So.. I'm getting them out tomorrow. Lata.

Nessa

Well hello again! Been forever since I've written anything on this here blog. YUUP.. well anyhoo.. SCHOOL STARTED! ^_______^ Yeah.. sad I know. I was actually really nervous the day before.. but now I'm lovin it. I have really great teachers and my classes rock. I joined Spanish and Drama club too! And I'm on student council.. lol. I'm also considering joining the bowling team and being a wrestling manager. I'm gonna TRY not to over-do it so I have some time to breathe. I think right now I'm just club crazy. Today was the sign-up day for drama club.. so I stayed after for a little for the meeting. After the meeting I met up with my friend Amber and gave her a ride home. Her and I and a couple friends are gonna hang out tonight after we go out for dinner. lol my family will prolly go nuts.. I'm usually always at home. Hardly ever hangin out with my friends. Hehe.. I'm excited. Anyway.. did I mention school ROCKS? I swear.. there must have been something in the water over the summer. All the guys had some hotness spurt or something lol. Weeell.. I can't think of anything else to tell everyone so.. LATA.

Nessa
xoxo

I'm off to never-never land!! lol aka Anchorage. I'm so friggin excited! It's great going without things like malls and whatnot because you learn just how hard it truly is living without such things and you come to appreciate them.. but it gets old after a while. I can't wait to go to a place with regular restaurants and be surrounded by city commonalty. The boom and buzz is a little tiring, but it never gets old. Theres always something new to do. lol anyway.. enough talk about my love for city life. Onto the trip itinerary.

Monday: Arrival- shopping/ lurking
Tuesday: Water Park (H2Oasis!! YEAH BABY) Shopping/ fancy dinner
Wednesday: Departure

Arin let it be known today that no one.. NO ONE shall be allowed to sleep on the way there. (Odd request dontcha think? considering theres kids along for the trip.) lol and the only thing I planned on doing on the way there was reading my book and catching up on some well-needed sleep. (Reading a book usually tends to make me sleepy anyway.) Oh well. I guess I'll just have to drink some coffee (blurgh) or something. Dabo said she'd get me a magazine. OH! Reminds me.. I just got this awesome mag full of Orlando blah. Its one of those life story issues with practically every picture of him in it. *was in heaven* lol I wasn't even the one who saw it first! (sad.. I know) Dabo picked it out. I've read pretty much everything in it though. So it wouldn't keep me quite occupied for as long.

While I'm gone.. go check all the sites in my links section on the right there ~> Theres some pretty awesome stuff in all of them. I'll tty soon! Smell ya lata.

Nessa

EEK!! I'm so excited. My sister decided to leave on Monday (28th) instead of Wednesday. She couldn't book a room on the army base there. I'm glad we're leaving earlier. We'll be back on Thursday. And the lady I work for says I won't be working until July 6th! WOOT!

Anyway.. today was fun. We went into town, had taco bell for lunch, and then headed down to the knotty shop. lol.. when Dabo first told me about it, I was like "Aren't I a little young for a place like that..?" "Noo.. its knotty.. spelt k-n-o-t-t-y. Not 'naughty'." It was AWESOME. The whole place was made of knotted (burl) wood. They even had little native Alaskan animals made from the wood out in front of the shop. I'll post some pictures.

A MOOSE!


Theres a Alas-quito and a bear (I think)


Little shack next to the shop where you could purchas the burl.

 Inside, it had all these neat little Alaskan trinkets and doo-dads. And they serve the BEST ice cream. Omg.. It was delicious. lol the last time I went there.. I had dreams about eating more and more of it. Makes me crave another scoop just thinkin about it. Well folks.. g2g. 'Bout time to get packin for Anchorage (Dabo says so, lol)

Lordy, Lord. I'm so sick of people telling me what to do *cough* blog layout *cough*. Its my blog, ok? Let me worry about it. Anyway.. my niece and nephew are here! They arrived on Saturday. (I know, I know.. I said they'd be here on the 24th.. I got the dates all mixed up). We've had an absolute blast since they've been down here. On the first day.. we rode our bikes to all of the main lakes on base and went on a bunch of trails. ^_^ I love nature. It feels so good getting out of the house, even though the mosquitos eat you alive. I'm not in this cave all day anymore. lol I've got a life now!! Tay tay and I share alot of similar interests. She loves ORLI! And all of the celtic-y/ medival kinda crap I do. Its great. I just wish I was home longer during the day. I've been babysitting longer hours lately. As soon as I get home.. I have to take my shower and get ready for bed. Oh well, at least the money will help out with school and stuff. I'm still able to come over and visit sometimes while I work.. Its just hard *very clingy kids*

We're going to Anchorage next weekend!! I'm so excited! lol I feel like I'm going to disneyland or something. I can't wait. I plan on reading a NS book on the way there. I've only got three more books to read till I'm done reading all the books he's written. Well.. make that four. It'll be the sixth one I've read. This brings me to the next topic.. The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks book) was made into a movie and will be out in theatres this friday! Go check it out! ~> http://thenotebookmovie.com. Well peeps.. I'm out. Long day of work ahead of me tomorrow.

Today was such a relaxing day. I pretty much stayed in my PJ's all day.. up until a couple ours ago. Dabo and I sneaked out to the BX and bought a patio set for the backyard. I saw a few of my friends working there. lol, Dabo found out who my crush from school was.. he helped us put the box in the car. I didn't tell her it was him until after we pulled out of the lot, lol.

Anyway.. the patio set is cool. It looks really good. It feels good too. Our house is starting to look more like a home (odd I know.. thats just the only way I can describe it). lol and I'm finally feeling alot more comfortable in my room. When Dabo and Pauline went garage sale seeking this weekend.. they bought me a cd rack and a really awesome little carry-on bag for Jack.. whenever we have to take him to the vet or w/e. They found a beautiful little fairy figurine that they were gonna put in the baby's room.. but there wasn't any room so they gave it to me ^_^ It goes really well with my little Buddha man. I'll have to take pictures some time and do a before and after of my room, lol.

Anyway.. Arin updated my forum site! go check it out! ^_^ ~> Ello Poppetness I love the new header and colors. And go check out my friend's site (for any of you Orlando Bloom fans.. you'll love this site ^_~) ~> OrlandoBloomNet.

I'm a little sad about this weekend ending.. going back to work *sigh* I had alot of fun this weekend. We watched some really good movies (Love Actually~> I give it ****.. absolutely hilarious british comedy, and Sinbad.. great for the kids). I also watched Sleeping Beauty, Shrek, Ice Age, Two Weeks Notice, and Finding Nemo (lol as you can see.. the majority of those were childrens movies.. I enjoyed them just the same though). OH.. and Jacks getting fixed and declawed tomorrow *tear* my baby.. growin up so fast, lol. Well peeps.. I'm out. Go check out the sites! Lemme know what ya think.

lol this ones progressively becomming boring to me. I was thinking maybe for the next one... some oranges/ reds/ yellows (summer/ sunny colors). I got a virus a couple days ago.. so I've got to re-download photoshop on my compy (I won't have a header!)

Anyway.. lifes been good I suppose. I've been babysitting these two little girls everyday. Making about 125 every week (yeah baby! lol) I get payed every other week. I'm gonna get Jack fixed and declawed next week.. so I'll only have about 20 bucks left + the eighty I have in the bank.. so I should be fine.

Tay Tay and AJ will be here soon! I'm so excited. We're gonna have so much fun. I think Dabo will still be in ALS (schooling for rank increase). lol we were all talking last night.. it was so sad. Arin will be the only one able to pick them up from the airport. I'll be at an ortho appointment with Pauline and Dabo will be in school. I suppose I'll see 'em soon afterwards though.. no biggy. Speaking of my teeth.. I'm getting my wisdom teeth pulled on the 24th (EEK!) I'm scared, lol. I got one removed a while back.. all they did was shoot me up with some novacane.. I'm going under this time! I've never had an anesthetic before. I'm so scared about the IV (lol I sound like such a wuss) I watched my mom get one one time.. they kept missing and they tried in two different places.. yeah, that was scarring. Oh well.. I'll live.

Got me lookin' so crazy right noow..


~Currently~

Feeling: okay
Listening To: Miss B "Crazy In Love"
Talking To: Jack, lol
Thinking: "Is my expander loose?"

I've changed. I know it. It doesn't feel as though it was for the better either. I'm back at square one again (making people think I'm something I'm not). People like Dabo and Arin probably think that my change was for the better.. but its my mind and I've decided I liked who I was better back when I was in Vegas. Before everything happened. It pisses me off that I haven't been able to get this ordeal permanently out of my head. I wish I was just able to put everyone and everything that happened behind me.. sometimes I am.. but the feeling just comes back. Self-pity shit, ya know? Why am I such a pipe dreamer? I try and change to make everyone happy.. theres mishaps here and there.. when my flaws surface.. but the majority of the time.. I just feel awkward. I'm not comfortable in my own skin anymore. Even conversations I have ONLINE (a place, I feel, you can be anyone you damn well want to) seem more awkward.. more silent. I hate that too. I constantly think back on a quote from a book I read by Nicholas Sparks: "It seems only the old are able to sit next to one another anything and still feel content. The young, brash and impatient, must always break the silence. It is a waste, for silence is pure. Silence is holy. It draws people together because only those who are comfortable with each other can sit without speaking. This is a paradox." I try and make myself believe that the only reason for the silence is my sense of adaptation.. but it isn't. I feel it. And it always starts with the closest people I know and love. Its almost like a plague I created in my mind or something. Slowly, surely affecting all my friends until they die of boredom with me. This never was a problem for me before.. back when I lived in Vegas. I was comfortable then.. I just feel cold now.

Heres a poem I wrote just a couple minutes ago:

Only with my magnifying glass

I'm lost in a deeper meaning.
Trying to find where I last left myself.
Yet, I'm growing impatient,
because I want the past back.

You're the only key that can open that door.
So give me a little more,
and stop your half ass job.

The similarities are endless,
as I chase my memories
down a long, dark alley.

A blank canvas,
with miles worth of white paint.
Or a concrete bubble;
with only my hands to break through its tainted shell.

Yet, you're the one with the key.
The only one that can open that door.
So give me a little more,
and stop your half ass job.

I search for the piece to the puzzle
under my sheets.
Could they be sleeping?

Or in the crevice in my eye.
Through a downpour,
will only one droplet fall.

Maybe thats how i'll find them.
Only with my magnifying glass.

© Nessa C.  NO STEALING